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Wednesday 25 April 2012

Modern Problems of a low paid Snob wannabe

You join a fairly high end/expensive gym.
Why?
Because the facilities are better?!
Well, yes, but considering the monthly instalments are twice as much, are the facilities twice as good...?
Where I go... DL Swindon, I'd be of the opinion, that actually, no!!
Sure, they are a bit better.... Like::
You get private shower cubicals..
Pretty clean facilities...
Nice looking lounge area ~ Which, considering you pay for the gym & spa facilities, really shouldnt be the thing that hooks you!! I mean, come on!! Wake up & smell expensive coffee of the rich man who owns the joint!!
The food & drink ain't free!!
So come on then.. let's ask ourselves, why is it we'd be prepared to pay twice thw price of most the gyms around??
You could kid yourself, like me... By using the expense as a motivation tool to actually go there!!!
or, here's a refreshing concept, let's be honest... Why would you spend so much?
I'll tell you why & I'd but a bet on thw fact that the majority of DL members go for the same reason.........
Because, you expect the quality of fellow members to be of decent quality!
Sorry, that was a little harsh...
I'll try again:
Because you expect the Riff Raff can't afford to be a member!!
Its the truth, I swear... Go get a magic 8 ball, ask it to verify... It will!!

Thing is, somehow, I guess its down to human nature..
Some of the riff raff still manage to sneak their way in, making you fearful of leaving your footwear outside the locker!!
Why would you think someone intends to steal your footwear Craig (I hear you ask).
I'll tell you for why...
Because there stuff stinks to high heaven.. So much so, the entire changing rooms are clogged with the fousty odour!!
Sure, you try to get away... But you can't.. oh no.. the foust won't let you.. it's found a new playmate... The riff raff seem immune to this stenchy mixture, I'd describe it as a cocktail of mouldy cat piss, wet old dog & unwashed hair!!!
It's soo bad, you move your stuff further and further away, until, your outside the changing room, getting changed!!
People normally frown at this sort of behaviour.. But you utter thw words Riff Raff... You see the disappointment in their eyes turn to Solis, then to fear as it dawns on them... They are next!!!

I don't pay double to be bullied out of the changing room by a foul smell, because some people have terrible odour issues!!

It's that bad, even after you leave the gyms, the smell welds itself to your naisle hair!!

Next time I'm gunna throw their clothes in the shower along with them!!

Tuesday 17 April 2012

Relating to homosexual behaviours

Whether we like to admit it or not, sometimes, I think we can all relate to why many Homosexuals like things stuck up their bumhole...
You'll all know the feeling of having to wait all day long before being able to sit down & drown the smelly brown slug!
Theres a kind of rush as it make a b-line for the exit...
I cam only imagine this feeling is the one Homosexuals are attempting to replicate..

Friday 13 April 2012

You might think your shit don't stink!

Worst invention ever....?
The Compressed gas Air Freshener is ony list of contenders..
Given, at times it can help to soften the thick stinky air but sooner or later, we all get dragging into a lul of false fresh air security!
Someone lays down a dirty, sticky stinker ~ they think their being courteous by squirting some Freshener ~~ but the danger is when you walk in, the initial smell close to the door seems fresh enough, so you proceed inwards... Deeper into the stench!!
That false sense of freshness encourages you to believe you can take a nice intake of air....
Many people have made this mistake & the weaker of us unfortunately don't make it!! Because within the deep, lyes the mutant smell of airfreshener/dead-rat!

Designer pussy

A friend recently went to a swanky club in central London...
The lads he went out with are fairly well off, but this club is full of people of an even higher financial/social circle...
Like Darwin hypothisysed, they have thus evolved themselves, learning how to behaive & carry themselves, so that the strongest survives & ultimately mates!
Unfortunately for my friend, he wasnt so well attuned to the change, but he did explain how hot the 'chicks' were!!
Apparently, the posh birds are trim & their dress sense is off the head.
My favorite part of this explaonation was: "Their designer clothes make the look even hotter & I bet even their pussys are designer!"

Sunday 8 April 2012

Chinese All You Can Eat

You've heard of Bear Grylls: Man vs Wild..
Well, when it comes to Chinese All You Can Eat deals, it's Full Belly: Man vs Leftovers!

Right & Wrong

When you were growing up, at some point fairly early on, someone would ask you a question.
They'd ask: Do you know the difference between right & wrong?
At that time, the answer seemed soo easy..
You'd reply: Yes I do...
Then you grow up!
As a man & quite possibly solely from a mans perspective, if the opportunity presented itself & that person came to ypu & said: Do you know the difference between right & wrong?
You relies in being able to spot that actually, it is a trick question!!
Because as a man.. There is no 'right' only wrong!!
Sure, you'll attempt to do something right, but without a doubt you'll end up in the wrong...
So your answer now would be:
No!! Please bloody tell me, because all I ever seem to be doing is wrong!!

Sunday 1 April 2012

Passport & Prostitutes

No wonder they say prostitution is the oldest profession around..
Even the Passport & Deed Poll office want you to find one of these 'professionals' for the countersignature!!

They must go through some sort of Passport Checking training at their secret prostitute college.
Which I imagine, is a little like Harry Potters HogWarts!!
Probably called VagWarts!?
We think Pimps are there bosses, but actually, they a probably a little like the older Wizards..
There to teach & guide all the promising talent!!
Maybe thats where JK Rowling got the inspiration?
I'm not saying she is or was a Prossy..
She has no need to be with all the success shes had...
Not to say she wouldn't make a great prossy.. I'm sure she'd do a fine job at checking Passports, but having such a creative streek, she'd probably feel bogged down by all the bureaucracy!?
Maybe she has a friend who told her about the secret college..
Or she enrolled, but after the open day, decided it wasn't for her...