Dreams of eating

The other night I dreamt I ate a massive Pasty...
It was fluffy & soft...
When I woke up, I couldn't find my pillow?

Slept like a log

Lastnight I slept like a log...
When I awoke I felt hot & sweaty...
So I got up, out of the Fireplace..

Dominoes Pizza

I called Dominos Pizza the other day, asked for delivery...
The girl on the phones asked me:
What kind of pizza do you want sir?
I said: I have called Dominos Pizza right?
Girl: Yes Sir...
Me: Well doh... I want Dominos obviously!

What an idiot...

Reading

An almost 30 something with aspirations of becomming a full time writer // stand up comedian...
Like's: Redbush Tea ~ Comfy Sofas & Good dreams...
Dislikes: Bad dreams ~ The smell of BO & Reading (( the place, not the act, I mean it's pronounced Red-ing, so why spell it with an a!!?))

New laws for protecting your household..

Finally some new laws have been passed!!
You can now use force to deal with Burglars..
I tried to use the force once...

The burglary looked at me like I was mental & asked what I was doing with my hand in a C shape next to my eye, pulling a face like I was constipated...

I said I was strangling his neck with the force....
This didn't work!!
Was tied up for 3 days..
He even took the empty DVD cases!!
I mean really!! The empty ones too...
I wonder if he'll recycle them??
Doubt he will... God, what an evil man!!

Jimmy Savil

Which side of the fence are you sitting on?
Is it wrong for people to step forward now & talk about all the things Jimmy did to them?

On one side, people are saying, its disgraceful, tarnishing his name (further) whilst he rests in peace...

On the other side, if the stories are true, why shouldn't these people seek some sort of justice & closure?

My view is, Once a dirty bastard pedo, always a dirty bastard pedo!!
Jimmys hit show "Jim will fix it", was obviously Jimmys way of doing lots of good things to offset the bad things...
Which would help him avoid Hell....
So he could play with all the young cherubs!!

Sky broadband

Sky are advertising their Internet is totally unlimited & they won't slow you down at peak times..
I've had their internet: and it won't slow down, coz its already slow as fuck..
Which means you'll never really get to use that much anyway!!