Merry Crimbomas!!
Santa didn't bring me shit!!
Thank god!!
Last year was embarrassing..
Catching him in my living room, trousers round his ankles, deep squatting, reading his list & laying a stinker under ny tree!!
Can't blame him..
What do we all expect after that many Sherrys and Mince Pies!!
Someone is getting a drunken minced pie poo, that's what we should expect!!
Many of you by now are familiar with the phenomenon, that is...
The Man Draw...
But you didn't know the Man Draw is the solution for men that either:
A: Haven't got a Shed
B: Haven't got a garden for a Shed
C: Are gay (because then they have something like a Shabby Chic Chest because they have style...)
One, Michael McIntyre, brilliantly observed his draw & then brought this silent part of a man's ways, to life..
However, there is an evolutionary tale waiting to be told...
A story of such Epic proportions I'll have to shorten it, just to ensure I don't develop arthritis from all the typing!!
It starts with Man...
Man at his most primal..
When Man, had his cave, in which he stored all things.. well... Manly..
Like:
Weapons
Food
Women
Toenails (well not so much stored, more like... left to fester..)
After all, Man did not clean anything back then (not too different to now really... We evolve slowly!!)
Cave Age Women still had to learn how to make the tools required to clean, such as:
Dusters & hot water & Flash Wipes...
As we all know, modern women all secretly make Cleaning products at some top secret underground factory... Why do you think they always have to go toilet in pairs!!?
Anyway, where was I??
ah yes...
This evolution...
It progresses through the ages... but it seems the evolution of what we know now to be the 'Man Draw', isn't really an evolutionary tale at all!!?
Why?
(I hear both your and my brain ask!)
Well:
I like to call it more of a compromise...
Bought on, through years & years & years & years & years &
(well, it took a long time alright!!)..
of the rise & rise of Women!!..
As we covered, Primal Man kept all things his, in his Man Cave..
As Women began to weave their wicked web & manipulate Man, so followed the fall & fall of Man spacious cave, filled with all things Man...
At first, Man's stuff was confined to certain areas of the Cave, then certain comers of the Cave, then after many years of nagging, cave man finally put most of his stuff into the Cave Loft, that Cave Women had been nagging him to make for years!!
Man had to compromise big time...
He had to choose the smaller things, important bits / could possibly be important / "I might find a use for this one day"..
Things that he could store somewhere in the cave, out of sight from Women...
This is when the Man Draw was born..
It started with carving holes in the walls of the cave & covering with fur..
Although the more dominant (you could say wealthy) Cave Men took over another smaller cave close-by & called it: Shed...
As the centries creep by, the idea of using wood to storage such as cabinets is conceived...
Eventually, in modern times made available to all & allegedly made easy to self build to all, by Mr & Mrs Ikea, who unfortunately... Although they were able to build a furnishing empire, couldn't draw instructions for shit & couldnt count the right amount of screws to give you!!!! Uraggh!!!
You know what wakes me up in the morning....
It's not my alarm...
It's my Wife threatening to chop my ball off if I don't stop the noise!!
So we all know why girls always have a fat friend they hang with...
But why do guys??
I can tell you why I have one...
So when the Zombies come, I use him as a distraction...
He'll feed a whole bunch of them Zombies!!
Fat fuck
