Hospitals are so sexist

Hospitals are so sexist man...
They let women get naked in the birthing pools and say nothing when the go potty in there..
But you try being a man and doing that, oh no.. They go chicken oriental!
They like:
"Sir what do you think your doing"
"You can't be in here Sir"
"OMG, did he just... Urgh.. Floater!!!!"
"Security!!!"

I'm like:
"why you carrying me away Mr Security man, those Nurses are the ones being out of order... Equal rights and all that!!"
"I know that wasn't my partners birthing pool but she wasn't ready yet & needed to poo"

Fathers Day

For all past puberty, today is a day to remember all the lost sperm who got flushed down a toilet or trapped forever in a condom, in a sock or squirted back out of a vagina...

To all those lost sperm who were with me in that epic race to the egg some 28 years ago...
HaHa, loosers!! L-oo-se-rs
I won, you lost... :-p

Please, lets all take a moment of silence for our past comrades..

Also, when do we get that No#1 Trophy?

Nightmare or is it?! Penis turns into Elephant Trunk!!

Accents: American vs British - Aluminum vs Aluminium

HOW ANIMALS EAT THEIR FOOD

Introduction to YouTube channel: Craig Thomas Talks

Vblog, Craig Thomas Talks about being complicated & shares an old video diary from way back

Homophobia & Fatty Fat Fat people

So if we're all saying being Fat is a disease, not just a cause of being a greedy fat fuck!!
Are Homophobic people, also suffering from a disease...? & not just being a knobhead!!
Also;-
Do Homophobes ever enter their house through the back door?
Are they sick at the sight of it...
Do they dry hurl when witnessing another man entering it?
Are they afraid of the colour Brown?
Is that why some people prefer to paint their Fence Green?
Do they prefer loose fitting clothes to tight ones (that's a pun on the tightness of your poo-hole!)

So, are the BNP just misunderstood or a bunch of Racists

The BNP - Racist or Misunderstood ?

http://youtu.be/Yym--pTtXZE

Internet Banking keypads

No wonder the banks are flaunting their Internet Banking keypads as the secure way to bank..
You can never find it when you need it!
No wonder it's safe..
No bugger can log on!!

Jimmy Savill will break yours for you

Santa

Merry Crimbomas!!
Santa didn't bring me shit!!
Thank god!!
Last year was embarrassing..
Catching him in my living room, trousers round his ankles, deep squatting, reading his list & laying a stinker under ny tree!!

Can't blame him..
What do we all expect after that many Sherrys and Mince Pies!!
Someone is getting a drunken minced pie poo, that's what we should expect!!

Cheerleading

Did you know has Cheerleading has been found to be the sport with the most inquires...
To be fair, I'm not surprised...
There must be an aweful lot of injuries sustained from Wives hitting Husbands after they look for a little too long..

Insanity

They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity...
But I'd like to point something out:-
you know more about you, than anyone else should, so who better to talk to about stuff or problems than yourself..

Also, if you tell yourself your secrets, you can make sure you keep your own secrets to yourself...
Well.. maybe...

Plus, why have diaries been kept from this equasion?? Surely speaking to a diary by writing on it: "dear diary" is a little weird!?
Face it diary writers... Your diary doesn't give a crap!!
But other nosey people do!!!

Man walks into a bar...

So this guy walks upto the bar....

The barman asks:
"Why the sad face??"

The guy sighs & replies:
"My Wife just died..."

The barman offers his condolences for such an aweful loss.....

The guy sighs & says:
"I know.. its terrible... who's going to make my dinner now!!"

When the bog roll breaks!!!

It's happens us all...
Your minding your own, cleaning up after a number 2, when horror rears its head...
The bog roll breaks & a finger or two slips through!!

Now, I'll tell you what guys do at this point.
Guys check said finger visually to assess which Defcon number to declare...
(for any women or non sci fi ppl, Defon is the US Militaries way of easily determining how serious a threat they are encountering, the table goes from 1 - 5... This arguably isn't enough number to clearly assess a threat, but its possible the general US army population are brainless enough to warrant such a simple table)...

Anyway, once a guys done a quick visual check.. His brain decides that isn't quite enough & calls for a more intimate encounter...
This being a smell test...
The first whiff positively concluded the Brown substance is poo..
However a guys brain is so overcome, it has a fit & requests a second smell test...
Which reveals in fact.... It's still poo..

Now for ladies, its a bit different..
I'll tell you what happens...
Nothing happens..
Because women dont poo!!
Fact is, when they go into the toilet its for 3 reasons only..
Make-Up
Girly chats
and
To clean

BNP

Recently I discovered the majority of people who are part of the BNP have a tendancy to be Caucasian, enjoy wearing Camouflage (unsure whether that's because they like to hide in bushes or their too imbreed to understand, it doesn't mean we can't see you!!)..
Oh yeah, and mostly racist...

Maybe the BNP are misunderstood??
I mean ~ they believe foreigners should go home & stay there..
Which is a strangely obvious expectation..
I'm unsure where anyone should generally go after a day of work!?
Tescos?
I certainly wouldnt expect a political party to tell foreigners to go to the pub!! What sort of example would that be setting!
No... I agree.. Go home..
Look after your family..
Do some DIY...
Send some money overseas..

An odd similarity is the BNP families also tend to be made up of relatively large...
Although they are generally working class, or more often, something I like to call:-
non working class..
They also seem to squeeze into one house, having as many as 3 decades under one roof....
Funny, that's seems amazingling like the sort of household you might akin to a Pakistani family?!
Think the BNP lot are confused!?

Although the BNP familis share the job seekers & disability allowance for Cider, fags &... Cider...
Whereas:-
A Pakistani familiy use their brain, having some successful at work & others successful at getting allowances!!

Big Brother

Why watch people sleeping!?
If I wanted to watch random people sleep, I'd do a bit of B&E...
At least you get to take some memorabilia with you... ;-)

Trick or Retreat

See many trick or treaters lastnight?!
No...
Neither did we..
Apparently the weather was too bad..
Ahh, boo hoo...
Kids these days.. pusseys!!
No commitment...