Deep Trauma

Dirty Jokes ~ Elephant Trunk

I'll share a dream/nightmare of mine..

I wake up one morning to find my Penis has transformed into an Elephants Trunk!!
Seems fantastic at the time, coz I can move it around with surprising dexterity!!
I lay in bed, butt naked
*****
which by the way, why do we call it that?: "butt naked"
Why not:
"nipple naked"
Or:
"Dick naked"....
*****

So I waste like an hour, giggling & applauding myself at the new tricks my Trunkilly can do (see what o did there) like;
Play dead
Snake impressions
& pointing like a retriever!!

Then I get up, still, dick naked
(does that work??)
& go wash my face in the sink
(or basin if your posh)...
(or puddle if your homeless)...
Alarmingly (but histerically funny too), my trunks natural reaction to the water filled basin, is to suck the water up and spray it over me!!
(which, whilst being a bit like a water fight as a kid, also feels a little like I've inadvertently molested myself!?)

Immature

When someone tells me you Immature...
Their really just trying to tell you what they are...
"I'm Mature"

Homophobia & Fatty Fat Fat people

So if we're all saying being Fat is a disease, not just a cause of being a greedy fat fuck!!
Are Homophobic people, also suffering from a disease...? & not just being a knobhead!!
Also;-
Do Homophobes ever enter their house through the back door?
Are they sick at the sight of it...
Do they dry hurl when witnessing another man entering it?
Are they afraid of the colour Brown?
Is that why some people prefer to paint their Fence Green?
Do they prefer loose fitting clothes to tight ones (that's a pun on the tightness of your poo-hole!)

Normal VS Racist

Here's a look at how a normal person & a racist might react differently..

So, on the back of a Fair Trade, African chocolate bar, it's described as:
''delicate, dark & smooth"

A normal person might cheekily reply to that like:
"just how I like my women"

A racist might reply to that like:
"Sounds lovely, but I'm not touching something a bunch of darkies made!"
or
A slightly less racist might reply:
"just how I like to see people in prison"

Best Diets Ever!!

So i heard you can buy this Pill, you swallow it & some worm thingy grows inside you, eats your excess food & after so long, you take this other pill to kill it..
What happens if you loose the pill?
Or forget?!
Fuck that shit!!

Women will do anything to loose weight!!
They won't go in the Sea coz they can't stand the little fishes...
Oh no, but tell them they'll loose weight by putting some worm in their stomach!!

New idea...
Women, you loose weight by getting in the sea..
Oh.. wait...
You loose weight by sucking a dick everyday for a year!!

Jelly Babies stick it to the man!!

Ever noticed how multicultural Jelly Babies packets are??..

I mean, look at all the colours in there.. Surely, I'm not the only one link each colour to oa type  human races, too..

Now, I don't want to say anything to make me look racist, but I'm not afraid to tell you, I love all colours..

And I've noticed something...
I've never found a white one...
Have you?
Where are they?

I tell you where they are... All the white Jelly Babies are the ones in control of manufacturing...
Have you ever seen who owns Jelly Babies.. No?!

That's because their busy dosing all the other Jelly Babies with drugs to keep them knocked out, whilst they shove them in a packet & seal it tight!!