Sunday, 28 April 2013
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Homophobia & Fatty Fat Fat people
Are Homophobic people, also suffering from a disease...? & not just being a knobhead!!
Also;-
Do Homophobes ever enter their house through the back door?
Are they sick at the sight of it...
Do they dry hurl when witnessing another man entering it?
Are they afraid of the colour Brown?
Is that why some people prefer to paint their Fence Green?
Do they prefer loose fitting clothes to tight ones (that's a pun on the tightness of your poo-hole!)
Monday, 4 February 2013
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Monday, 9 July 2012
Finish what you start
Someone once said, you'll always feel better if you finish what you start...
So next time I needed to fart,
I pushed a little harder
& I did feel better...
So I continued to push & let it all out..
If only for a split second, I felt great,
before realising the true nature of what I'd done!!!!
My Nan always said to wear a clean pair of underpants when walking down the street.
However, she didn't tell me the protocol for doing a dump in my clean underpants, whilst having no available clean ones!!!
Do you fashion some underwear from Toilet paper, like you've Mummy-fied your meat & veg???
or
Do you just whip all the lower clothing off & continue your day naked from the waist down?
Finish what you start
Someone once said, you'll always feel better if you finish what you start...
So next time I needed to fart,
I pushed a little harder
& I did feel better...
So I continued to push & let it all out..
If only for a split second, I felt great,
before realising the true nature of what I'd done!!!!
My Nan always said to wear a clean pair of underpants when walking down the street.
However, she didn't tell me the protocol for doing a dump in my clean underpants, whilst having no available clean ones!!!
Do you fashion some underwear from Toilet paper, like you've Mummy-fied your meat & veg???
or
Do you just whip all the lower clothing off & continue your day naked from the waist down?
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Ambitious Statement....
Wrinkles, Mans new enemy!!
Me man! Me rub expensive, Jizz-like substance on Face!!
Kill wrinkle... Give man silky skin...
Like rubbing baby bottom..
Not in Peido way..
Me CRB check clear..
You know, the Ironic thing about buying products to reduce wrinkles...??
You get so caught up in the fight against aging, that you end up finding way more wrinkles, when checking to see if the wonder cremes are working!!
Yet that little voice in your head says: but it might be working...
Also, if you get a big pot of it & dunk your ball-sack in it daily, would it make them look silky smooth..
Or at least, less like you had a Turkey's neck attached to replace your original sack, after a horrible accident involving a Dyson Turbine Head!!
Having mistaken it's intention due to words... Turbine... Head...
In a recent poll, the majority claimed that Dyson not as sensual as a Henry!!
Good old Henry! Does it with a smile!!
And he keeps eye contact!!
That's right Henry, look up at me too, you know you love it...!!
But Dysons outrageous claim:
"No loss of suction"
is clearly too alluring for any teenage man... In fact, any man for that matter!!"
Baby gifts
A friend of mine, just had a baby boy...
So I went online to look for a gift...
Found the great website:
NotOnTheHighStreet
Whilst looking at all the personalised gifts available, it came down to two things..
A letter train (speeling his name)
or
A sail boat with his name & d.o.b...
Usually I'd flip a coin, but in this instance it occured to me, that one of thw items could be seen as slightly racist?!
With my friend being of Middle East origin, the possible racist innuendo made my decision easier to make, I thought::
" I can't go giving them a boat... I may as well join the BMP, make a banner that says something like; get back on the boat & go home, then burn Jelly Babies coz they're a simbol of multiculturalism!!"
So, I got the train....