When the bog roll breaks!!!

It's happens us all...
Your minding your own, cleaning up after a number 2, when horror rears its head...
The bog roll breaks & a finger or two slips through!!

Now, I'll tell you what guys do at this point.
Guys check said finger visually to assess which Defcon number to declare...
(for any women or non sci fi ppl, Defon is the US Militaries way of easily determining how serious a threat they are encountering, the table goes from 1 - 5... This arguably isn't enough number to clearly assess a threat, but its possible the general US army population are brainless enough to warrant such a simple table)...

Anyway, once a guys done a quick visual check.. His brain decides that isn't quite enough & calls for a more intimate encounter...
This being a smell test...
The first whiff positively concluded the Brown substance is poo..
However a guys brain is so overcome, it has a fit & requests a second smell test...
Which reveals in fact.... It's still poo..

Now for ladies, its a bit different..
I'll tell you what happens...
Nothing happens..
Because women dont poo!!
Fact is, when they go into the toilet its for 3 reasons only..
Make-Up
Girly chats
and
To clean