On the Pull

Back in the days of singleton street, a select few of us thought we had the perfect pick up line..
In fact, it wasn't a line as such.. More of a story.. A fabricated life, designed to aid our pulling power!!
Sure, some people say it's all just lies..
And yeah.. Most of it was.. But we lived those lies like our own life!!
We realised early on, that our current jobs were not that impressive & it clearly states in the 'Book of Male Ego':  ''One must have an impressive job role, if one is to nail some pussey''..

One night, at Jakes house,
(which, fyi, soo wasn't a sleepover! coz now we were older, those are only for girls or gayboys!)..
We all put our pillows & covers down on the front-room floor, facing each other, so it was easier to chat..
After Jakes Mum had made us some Hot Chocolate, we got the pen & paper out, ready to plan...

By the end of the night & after several breaks, one of which, we discovered that actually, the average size of the males in this house, was about the same as FHM predicted..
We had the finished article..
Some role play ensued, to iron out any hick-ups or forgetful facts & once that was done, it was time to test drive our alter-egos on the sea of vagina, whose tides rise on a Saturday night...

We quickly found or first pray & here is how the conversation went:
Jake: '' Hi ladies, how are you tonight?''
Ladies: ''Fine thanks''
Jake: ''So, me & my friends here were just talking about how gorgeous you are, your not models are you?''
Ladies: ''Listen, we're gunna stop you right there buddy, were lesbians & we're not interested, so piss off!!''

Ouch!! Didn't go so well did it!?
How are they gunna fall for us if we can't even tell them our alter egos story!
In fact how are we gunna pull, if we can't even tell if they are straight!!

We dusted ourselves off & proceeded to peruse the club for our next targets.
Soon enough we found enough of our battered courage & picked it up off the floor,
at which point we spotted our next challenge... Heres how it went:
Me: ''Hi there, you mind if we join you lovely ladies?''
Ladies: ''Actually yes.. we do.. Were having a ladies only night tonight..''
Me: ''Well, next time, just stay at home.. It makes our lives that much more difficult!! But then I bet you get a kick out of that don't you.. you.. you.. prick teasing hoers!!''

With that, I got a well deserved slap in the face & we retreated to the bar to lick our wounded egos.
I got it in the neck for going off on one for no reason & after a few more drinks, we went at it again..
Although in fairness, we lowered our bare significantly, to, fatties...

Jake: ''Hi ladies''
Ladies: ''Hi''
Jake: ''So you girls from around here?''
Ladies: ''No, were from Reading''
Jake: ''Oh yeah, what do you do in Reading''
Ladies: ''Not much, just work & then go out on the weekend''
Jake: ''So what do you do for work?''
Ladies: ''Just office stuff, boring really, what do you guys do?''
(( Finally, our big moment had come, we could test our alter ego creation out & wow the ladies...))
Jake: ''We work for the Government, can't tell you too much, all very hush hush''
Ladies: ''Ooohh, so your like a bunch of James Bonds or something?''
Jake: ''You could say that.. In fact, we can't even talk to people without them being checked out first..''
(( oh no.. Jake has got excited & veered off course, the conversation was doomed..))
Ladies: ''Oh? Really? So how is it you can talk to us??''
Jake: ''We had you checked earlier..!?''
Ladies: ''What?! So you stalked us before we went out? Did you tap our phones to find out our plans?''
(( with the conversation veering dangerously into a lawsuit, I stepped in ))
Me: ''No.. No.. No.. It's quicker than that theses days.. We just took some photos of you here..''
Ladies: ''Like thats any better!! We feel violated.. You know everything about us..''
Me: ''Errr.. No.. We don't get given any of your information, we just get a green or red light..''
Ladies: ''Oh.. So what about these photos.. Uh, god... bet we look really fat.. Can we see them..''
Jake: ''You are..''
Ladies: ''What?!''
Me: '' You are.. entitled to see them... But unfortunately, they are deleted immediately after their checked..''

With that, they excused themselves & left the club...
What we learnt from this adventure, was Jakes a fucking dick!
& Women don't make it easy to pull!!
Men need somewhere, they can just go & pull with ease.. Oh... Wait.. There is Derby!!